The drive home from the Marginal was depressing for me (see previous post). The Marginal had reminded me of what a first
world country looks like, and then we went back home to the 3rd world. The poor people in the streets, the rundown
buildings and houses, noises, smells, and the awful roads and sidewalks that
look like a medium sized earthquake had had some fun there. This was the first time since we’ve been
here, that I truly thought about what an awful place this is. The circumstances I mean (maybe my random bowel issues and vomiting the day before contributed to this feeling). It's truly shocking to see that this is how life is, outside my 1st world bubble. I've known it, but it's a different thing to actually witness and live in it. I think at first when we arrived, it was all
new and I felt like a tourist. But after
living here for 3 weeks, I guess the "honeymoon" is over and have realized that
nothing is changing and the circumstances became a bit overwhelming. I've since talked with other embassy families and they say that after 2-3 weeks is when it hits everyone. But it will happen again and again, every now and then during our time here. "It's totally normal. But that's why we're all here for each other." The words of my Portuguese mentor who lived here for three years, came to my
mind: “Micky, there is nothing easy about Angola.” I cried for a few minutes and
shared my feelings with Briant. I have
felt the weight of the inconveniences and discomforts of being here. We feel so grateful for our
blessings and wish that everyone here had the same opportunities that we’ve
been given in our lives. The Angolans
are wonderful people and we appreciate this opportunity to get to know them
better and to learn from them.
Ironically, later in the day, Thomas came to me crying
because he misses Virginia and Utah. My
heart was full of empathy as I was struggling with my own feelings. It was great though that I could comfort him
by saying that the first two months of being in Virginia were hard for him too
when he thought of how he missed his friends and our little community of
Alpine. But when we left Virginia, that
was home for him too and now he misses Oakwood and all of our friends there. I said that my hope is that Angola will
become another home for him (and me), and that we will cry when we leave our
friends here too. That night before bed,
I think Savannah was inspired when she got on the computer and it opened to our
homepage of lds.org and she suggested that we watch a few of the church
videos. I found a Mormon message video
entitled “Good Things to Come.” http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?im=true&v=911029449001
I didn’t know what it would be about, but it
ended up being exactly what we needed. Before
starting the video, I told the kids to think about their lives here in Angola
and how this message could apply to them right now. It was a wonderful reenacted story and
message of hope shared by Elder Holland.
His closing words were, “Don’t you quit…you keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead…trust God
and believe in good things to come.” It
brought tears to my eyes as I felt the Spirit testify that this message was true
for me and my time here in Angola. We
had a wonderful discussion with all of us sharing our thoughts on how we could
do what Elder Holland suggested. Briant
and I emphasized that we have the most powerful and awesome Creator and Savior
helping us and that we are NOT alone in Angola.
It feels like that sometimes—it gets lonely when we don’t speak the
language well and we don’t look like everyone else. So we talked about the need to look for the
tender mercies of the Lord on a daily basis so we will witness His hand in our
lives. We identified some of the tender
mercies we have experienced already being here and took the challenge to look
out for new ones every day. The spirit
was there and I know all of our fears and anxieties were calmed. We felt hope again. And we felt comforted.
I’ve decided that something that could help me (and a way to
help my family) is to focus on the individual people that I meet and talk
with. Hear their stories and learn from
them so that I will be changed. I can’t
change Angola, nor can I change the people, but I can change and be a better person because of them and my
experiences here. I can also find ways
to serve them and love them while I’m here.
We’ve done a little bit of that as we’ve tried getting to know our
gaurds and drivers. One driver in particular,
Paolo, is the kids’ favorite driver. After
I shared Paolo’s “story” of his family and how hard he works to support them,
my kids wanted to give him some of their Halloween candy to take home to his 4
kids. Thomas also wanted to give him his
“Families are Forever” wrist band he had gotten in Virginia. Then this morning I told the kids that we
needed to mail their letters to Santa so he would get it in time and so that he
could know we moved to Angola. Thomas
added a P.S. on his letter that said, “We have guards and we would like for you
to give them something. Thank you Santa.” We have so many opportunities to serve. Tomorrow I’m teaching English to the
housekeeper of the tenant upstairs. J
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